Dating While Fat

 
 
A fat woman shares a drink with her date.
 
 

The Dating Scene is Brutal for Fat Folx

The Struggle is Real

Raise your hand if you’ve been mistreated while trying to date as a larger person. 🖐️ It can be a seriously traumatic experience. Fatphobia is especially magnified while dating, creating a nearly hostile environment. The judgment. Being stood up. Your date leaving early. Being ghosted. Of course, these happen to people in smaller bodies, too, however, people seem to feel more okay with being cruel to their heavy dates. It’s common for fat folx to be and feel judged (by their date or others), and the weight stigma can be extremely damaging.

Here’s the truth:

You don’t deserve to be treated cruelly or judged because of your body size.

If that sentence brings tears to your eyes, an eye roll, or intense shame to bubble to the surface, you probably need some support.

 

You deserve support while dealing with

  • Being judged based on looks

  • Weight stigma/Fatphobia

  • Feeling comfortable in your body on dates

  • Ghosting

  • Dating Apps

A larger-bodied black woman uses her laptop.

Working together isn’t going to change the stigma that you encounter. There are, however, lots of tweaks that we can make that will help your dating life get loads easier. Getting out of scarcity mode can help you select dates that are more likely to be a good fit. Choosing locations that you feel comfortable in will help you feel more relaxed and at ease. Building and maintaining appropriate boundaries helps you get the respect you deserve and cuts down on the bullshit. Creating ways to get into a good headspace before a date can squash anxiety, increase confidence, and lead to more enjoyable dates. Feeling connected to and grounding in your body allows you to stay mindful and connect with your partner’s body.

 
A larger-bodied woman with red hair stands confidently.

Date with confidence

  • Feel at home in your skin

  • Set appropriate boundaries

  • Show yourself respect and demand it from others

  • Manage hurtful comments or ghosting

  • Heal past relationship trauma

You deserve to be 100% accepted in your current body - by yourself and your romantic/sexual partners. You can set and hold boundaries so that your dates treat you well. You can become deeply connected to your body so you are completely *in* those fun moments during your dates, and in turn, have a better connection to your partner. Give yourself the attention and care that you need to feel refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to enjoy your dates. Do the trauma work that is holding you back, so that you can approach dating with optimism and openness.